So, having recently poked Malycos to death, I’ve been thinking about all the dragons there are knocking about in Azeroth, and I’ve decided to do a series of posts (as and when I remember to, and when the mood takes me) to evaluate them. Well, enquiring minds might conceivably want to know. Maybe. Okay. Maybe not. But still. It’s an important public service. Really.
I’m going to be rating the dragons in the following five categories:
Grand Entrance
This is the “fuck it’s a dragon” factor. You know what I mean, that moment when you step apprehensively into the dungeon for the very first time and suddenly remember you have urgent business in Hillsbrad.
Breath Attack
It wouldn’t be a dragon if it didn’t breath funky shit over the whole raid. If your heart doesn’t stop when you see the words “takes a deep breath” then something has gone seriously wrong. Even to this day, if someone shows me orange text without due warning, I’m liable to be fleeing instinctively to the back and sides of the room.
Context
I’m not really a Euripedes when it comes to content. Although there is part of me that sees a battle as a puzzle to be overcome, and one that I wish to perfect, the greater part of me is all about the context in which it is presented. I’m not a lore geek but I like my boss fights to have some meaning behind them and some kind of set up. I want that feeling of personal satisfaction when the bastard finally goes down.
Taunts and Voice Acting
Beating a boss is far more pleasurable if they’ve spent the preceding ten minutes telling you in great detail how they’re going to totally kick your arse six ways to Sunday. Of course, this only works if they sound like Jeremy Irons and not Leonardo di Caprio.
Dragon Testicle Du Jour
Everybody loves a souvenir!
Extra Comments:
This is not really a category but it’s possible I may have them.
Today we’re going to be rating Onyxia, Eranikus and Chromie.
ONYXIA
Grand Entrance: You sneak up to her slumbering in her lair and you feel like Bilbo Baggins. Or at least how Bilbo Baggins would have felt had he been backed up by 20 or 30 heavily armed dudes who’d already killed Smaug three times that month. On the other hand, you can’t deny she looks fucking awesome. Big. Black. Dragon. Oh yeah.
A
Breath Attack: ONXYIA TAKES A DEEP BREATH!!!! Back in the day this was the business. Flamey death flames cover about two thirds of the entire area, usually radiating at an awkward angle from whatever inconvenient direction she’s pointing. Old school Ony’s deep breath was still one-shotting me at 80. The new deep breath, however, goes in a straight line and bestows an attractive tan upon whomsoever it touches, proving once and for all that it’s the quality not the quantity of the flamey death that counts. Blah.
A/C
Context: Sadly, I never got to do the Onxyia chain in vanilla and I’m not a smelly Alliance either but I’ve heard Calli enthusing about it at length which I reckon counts. This was a quest chain from the days when player sanity clearly wasn’t one of Blizzard’s concerns. I would complain about new Oxynia’s dubious position in the overall narrative of Wrath (“hey, let’s go to this level 40 area and kill a random dragon!”) but since it’s the same tier as TotC it fits in well with the overall theme of beating up helpless creatures who aren’t doing anybody any harm.
A/C
Taunts and Voice Acting: “Usually I must leave my lair in order to feed!” ‘Nuff said.
A
Dragon Testicle Du Jour: You get to take her head. And put it on a spike. In Orgrimmar. While Overlord Runthak yells about how awesome you are. Win!
A
Extra Comments: I always felt there was some kind of weird nerdish Oedipal thing going on with Onxyia. I mean, she’s the brood mother, you seek her out in her flaming vagina of a lair, the entrance of which is lined by spikes, and then you kill and decapitate her with 24 or 39 of your mates … is that just me? Okay then. Moving swiftly on.
Final Mark: Ony in her prime is definitely a straight A candidate but the new version is probably more like a C. I think I’ll compromise on a B+, because she is Onxyia after all.
Yo momma so fat she can't leave her lair in order to feed.
ERANIKUS
Grand Entrance: Eranikus doesn’t get a lot of love but he’s the first proper dragon I met in WoW. He’s lurking in the bottom of the Sunken Temple behind a punishing sequence of puzzles (GAH!) and a shedload of green dragaonkin who have to be taken out before you have even a hope in hell of defeating him. That he makes the grade is proven by the fact the first time we got down there, exhausted after several quite tricky boss fights, all 5 us exclaimed as one: “holy fuck, a dragon!”
A
Breath Attack: Eranikus doesn’t per-se have a breath attack but he’s still a surprisingly complex fight for a level 50 dungeon. He has Deep Slumber, which puts the tank to sleep and can’t be dispelled, and a War Stomp which is a nasty stun, making a dedicated off-tank an absolute necessity. Check that out. An OT in a level 50 5-man. Those were the days.
B+ (it would be higher but it’s not a breath weapon).
Context: It might be the old “ooops, gone a bit batshit” chestnut of which Blizzard is so fond but as one of the first incarnations of this tired plot device it works pretty well. It ties in with the Old Gods Northrend plotline and the Emerald Dream, contributes some interesting stuff to troll lore and invokes our old friend Harry Foreshadowing.
B
Taunts and Voice Acting: It’s been a while since I’ve been in the Sunken Temple because I hate the puzzle bits so unfortunately I can’t remember. This, in itself, seems to suggest they did not stand out.
D
Dragon Testicle Du Jour: On defeating The Shade of Eranikus, you receive his essence which you are then instructed to cleanse. Unfortunately it all goes horribly wrong and he becomes trapped within the trinket. Woes! The sequence that follows is unbelievably tragic. Half-mad with pain and corruption Eranikus begs and threatens you to help release his soul but it doesn’t appear to be possible. I guess the quest is just incomplete but actually I rather like the fact it doesn’t have a conventional “thank you brave adventurer” ending. It has a distinctly melancholic flavour to it. Also Eranikus has some heartrending lines, which he whispers to you while you’re carrying his soul around: “My soul is not a trinket! Mortal, you must release me from these chains!” and “Torture me no more! Release me, mortal! The Swamp of Sorrows… mortal… please…”
A+
Extra Comments: Eranikus needs more love. Shame he’s at the end of such a shitty instance. And I’d kind of like a ‘proper’ resolution to his questline, even if it’s just an acknowledgement that, no, he’s totally fucked and there’s nothing we can do for him.
Final Mark: B+
I don't know what to put here, he just looks so sad 
I'd say it's not so bad but it is!
CHROMIE
Grand Entrance: She’s a gnome.
F
Breath Attack:She’s a fucking gnome.
F
Context: First shows up in Andorhal. As a gnome. To be fair, she introduces the whole Infinite Dragonflight / Caverns of Time plot which weaves through pretty much the whole game. The downside of this is that the otherwise interesting Caverns of Times instances have a fucking gnome in front of them, giving you stupid tasks and whispering at you to hurry up with culling Stratholme. Although why she can’t save her own damn guardian if it’s so urgent, I don’t know.
F
Taunts and Voice Acting: Hello. Gnome.
F
Dragon Testicle du Jour: Over the course of about 15 levels she gives you a variety of time-themed crap all of which is spoiled by having gnome cooties.
F
Extra Comments: I don’t know how many different ways I can say “SHE’S A FUCKING GNOME” but let met say it again. SERIOUSLY, GET SOME GODDAMN SELF RESPECT, CALL YOURSELF A DRAGON.
Final Mark: F
Fix your own fucking timelines, gnomegirl!
O.o
CHROMIE FOR THE WIN! Greatest dragon evaaaar!! With the possible exception of Vaelastrasz. You want the gnome? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE GNOME!
:p
Hahahaha! When I saw how Tam was rating Chromie I was sure you would jump in that way!
Yep, it was an open invitation
It’s not that I *can’t* handle the gnome, it’s just I don’t wanna.
Gnomes have cooties.
This would not be a play on the Order of the Sticks “Colour Coded for your Convenience” would it?
Just wondering…
It would indeed – a prize for you
Hey Tam!
I’m headed home from work, sick.
I like the dragon ratings and look forward to moar!
Of these three, I’d still have to give Ony far and away the best rating… for some reason even my first dragon (which was Eran as well) didn’t impress me much. But yes, there’s more to come!
Very side note, if you happen to have a dps yourself or can think of one to tag, I’d love to see a couple dps do a webring version of the healing circle(jerk) – it was lots of fun and connected lots of folks in the blogosphere.
Have a good day all.
Awww, sorry to hear you’re not feeling well – hope it’s not the dreaded piggie-sniffles!
And dragon rating is fun! Weee! Ony certainly as the “holy fuck a dragon factor” in spades, even if she’s losing it a bit in her old age but Eranikus is genuinely tragic. My favourite *favourite* dragon is yet to come through …
Also I’m sure there’ a song in this comment somewhere…
Okay, so you’re Onxyia
That don’t impress me much
So you got the looks but have you got the touch
Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright
But that won’t get me epics in the middle of the night
That don’t impress me much
My DPS is actually rubbish – my poor fire mage, which is the DSP I enjoy the most, is only level 64. But there’s now a circle of tankluv going around as well I think?
/happy clapping
How is it that you unfailingly make me smile and laugh, no matter how shitty my day is?
I can’t wait for more of these! My first really impressive dragon was the world boss in Duskwood. It was also my first raid experience. Holy fuck it’s a dragon? Bet your ass!
Thank you kindly – I have no idea but I’m delighted to have amused and, possibly, cheered you up after a lousy day.
Hmmm…I think the rating provided should automatically go up a grade if the dragon mentioned is your first. I mean, there’s always something special about your first, err, dragon isn’t there?
But then I’m quite susceptible dragons – I even remember the first dragon I met in Baldur’s Gate 2, and let’s face it that game was fantastic-looking for its time but it’s nothing compared to today’s graphics, and that blew my mind as well 
Did you ever go to BWL Tam? It’s a pretty place filled with awsome dragons (just a little fyi)
So far im very much agreeing with you. Onyxia for me, as an old school raider, is a saddening thing. Killing her now, is sort of like rereading your childhoods most favorite book as an adult. And finding out it is nothing but a complete pile of .. ehh jibberish (seriously, don’t ever go back to those treasured old books, I did once, it has scarred me for life).
I didn’t get a chance – but I’m desperate to pay a retro visit. Maybe I get some of the guild to come with me – and, y’know, stand in front of me in platemail while I go “ooooooh!”
I didn’t get to do Onxyia In The Day but we did try to accord her some respect when we took her on – 2-manning her in our early 70s wasn’t quite what Blizzard had in time, I;m sure, but it was still pretty tricky. And, yeah, nowadays she’s a bit of a letdown. Her deep breath, in particular, is nowhere near as terrifying as it was. The huge whelp mobs are pretty funky though.
I’ve usually had quite good fortune in re-reading childhood favourites (I guess even as a child I had good taste
) – although sometimes I’ve seen been people go back to Narnia and been all “holy crap, Aslan is Jesus!” What didn’t stand the test of time?
It is not an english book that has soured me so, so it would not make much sense linking it.
It was one of those eyeopening books, where I finally felt i understood the adult world and all its secrets. Rereading it, I was horrible. And condersending. And WRONG
Eranikus also has a pretty substantial part in the old AQ Gate opening chain, in which Malfurion Stormrage himself shows up, sends you off too Moonglade and then Eranikus (Now with the title, Tyrant of the Dream) attacks the city with a host of little shade things.
I still have the quest in the log, because every so often I trigger it to send a series of death shades (Which at 80 can still beat you up pretty good) to destroy Moonglade when I’m feeling particularly vengeful at druids…
Good damn Moonglade *impossible to get to* grumble grumble grumble
So, yes, if had an army of shades at my beck and call, I’d totally be marching on the place.
Hmmm…I’m not sure how the AQ Gate opening chain connects to the corrupted essence… I mean, I went to speak to Umbranse the Spiritspeaker and he was all “yeah, might be able to do something, oh wait, I can’t.” The end. It was clearly unfinished but, as I think I said, I like the idea of there being a tragedy out there in Azeroth the player is unable to solve.
Onyxia and the outdoor dragons have the best memories for me — and I agree, a beautiful, elegant, deadly dragon hiding in the form of a… gnome? Seriously? Are you sure it’s not really a dragonkin in there *poke, poke*
Oi! I heard that!
Hehehe, agreed
Although as Shintar as pointed out below, it’s probably a male dragon disguised as a female gnome … which is pretty kinky
The Onyxia caption made me laugh.
By the way, if you take the Chained Essence of Eranikus to Itharius’ Cave in Swamp of Sorrows there is a bit of a follow-up. The full resolution of the whole thing only comes with the AQ quest line, though.
The caption was bit of a cheat shot but I couldn’t resist
I followed that chain all the way to Wossname the Spiritspeaker and he is basically “oh yeah, I can help, oh wait, I can’t.” And then it fizzles away. And, as far as I’m concerned, Eranikus remains maddened and trapped in a nightmare for, well, ever?
There is an continuation to the Eranikus questline. You can give the trinket to Itharius. He’s a green dragon (in blood elf form) in a cave in western Swamp of Sorrows. Itharius is also the Green dragon ambassador in Wyrmrest Temple.
Itharius sends you to Winterspring, but the questline stops there.
Also, Chromie is awesome.
I got as far as Wossname the Spiritseeker and then the quest just fizzled out. I know it was probably something Blizzard meant to come back to but it still for a weirdly melancholic little story. Hey ho, Cataclysm maybe?
LMAO
No review of the world dragons from vanilla?
We 6 manned Onyxia on Dinging 70, it was pretty fun.
I’m a bit vanilla-ignorant since I’m Perpetually Late To the Party but I will definitely do my best to investigate
I think you wrote a post when you downed Ony at 70 didn’t you? I remember it
M’Pocket Tank and I were trying to take her out from pretty much the moment we hit 70 … we failed a lot, which was an important part of the process.
I did write a blog about that, I’m surprised you remember it. I havent gotten a chance to try the new Onyxia but the old one was wave after wave of AoE goodness. I dunno if you’ve ever mentioned the class of your pocket tank, but I would think a non pally would have it tougher on the whelps. . .
I remember seeing the world dragons for the first time thinking “Why is this enormous dragon with the skull wandering around!?!?!?” This was before blizz thought it would be cool to have agressive wandering elites a la hellfire peninsula. . .
Don’t diss Chromie
How can a gnomish dragon who messes with the timeline so a dead little girl can see her dead father again be anything but awesome!
Oh yes … you’ve just reminded me. The Pamela Redpath plotline is heartbreaking. No, no, that’s just, err, water in my eye, I think I’ve got something in it.
I suppose Chromie isn’t quite as bad as I’ve made out…
Repent, sinner!
Making a “your mum” joke about a dragon is pretty… creative.
I have to disagree with the rating of her taunt though, as a spoiled TBC child a raid boss who doesn’t have any voice acting loses a lot of points from me, no matter the quality of the lines.
And I have a friend who’s a big fan of Chromie. His reasoning? “Chromie is short for Chronormu, which implies that he’s in fact male. How could you not like a dragon that enjoys crossdressing as a female gnome?”
Ony is the Brood Mother, after all!
And oh my god – I may have to amend my rating. the dark truth of Chrommie, the transvenstite gnome-fancier, is just … just … *out of words*
Also I’d rather have good lines and no voice-acting than good lines and terrible voice-acting (Malygos, anyone?).
Actually, at this point my favourite dragon is Morphaz (hunter quest dragon in the Sunken Temple). I like that she has a buddy-dragon in life and death, and she was my first real dragon kill after the weird Ally Onyxia lead up quest. Pretty dragon.
Oh I’d forgotten about Morphaz and Hazzas – they were so clearly lovers, since you couldn’t engage them seperately. But since Shintar has pointed out that Chrommie is a transvestite gnome-fancier, the hotbed of homosexual action that is the Green Dragonflight no longer surprises me
Also, silliness aside, killing a dragon for a special quest always feels really cool. Go and hunt a dragon, young hunter. Prove yourself!
I have to totally disagree with you on 1 point Tam. Eranikus might have shoddy voice acting when you fight him, but as someone who did the quest and got his trinkets, he is the most memorable of all these 3 in my book. He only yelled/abused/taunted me for the next 10 levels… all the time I was using his “essence” to poison my enemies.
I can’t actually remember the voice acting at all but that whole plot *haunted* me for ages. I can’t believe you used his essence for personal gain – I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I immediately rushed off to try and find Itharius.
Eranikus was my first dragon too – I was extremely impressed! All the flapping and dragon-ness… ah what a sight.
Bleh to gnomes. And, even more, bleh to smelly lvl 80 dwarfs who like to kill the guy I’m escorting back to Rachet. And then sit there pvp flagged and taunt me – with me on my poor lvl 21 cow.
Not that he got under my skin or anything you understand.
In fact, the tragedy of the Eranikus story has really stuck with me. Standing in that snow covered shed, the issue still unresolved and no obvious path to take to resolve it, really tugged at my heartstrings.
Ditto – it’s weird isn’t it, the way things that don’t quite work (i.e. it’s blatantly an finished questline) sometimes have the most impact?
Entirely agreed – especially because there’s actually room for them to fly around the bottom of the Sunken Temple. The first time one of them rushed overhead I nearly jumped out my skin.
Gah – people killing the subject of escort quests are the lowest form of life. Bloody dorfs. That’s a horrible quest anyway – I’ve done it enough times that I find it funny but the first time I was tearing my hair out and yelling at the screen.
I must admit it does not feel 100% right to sneak up on Onyxia. She looks like she is asleep.
I know, she looks all peaceful and cosy, dozing in her lava-filled lair.
But she is EEEEEVIL.
Tam – I think that you under-rated Eranikus. What you see in Sunken Temple is only his shade! HIS SHADE!
If you get the broodlord’s head in BWL and go along the scepter of the shifting sands questline and complete the green shard, you will get to the point where you actually awaken Eranikus from the emerald dream and he comes to moonglade hugely pissed that you woke him up. He is a BEAST! Calling forth shit from the emerald dream to assist him, and doing all kinds of nasty things to you and your friends. Remulos assists you with the fight as well.
I know that a lot of people probably haven’t seen this version of Earanikus because 1) it’s from a very long vanilla WoW quest available to be accomplished only by the top raiding guilds on the server at the time (it required a 5 hour BWL clear) and 2) because everyone was so excited about seeing the event that people would go to moonglade en masse and lag the shit out of the zone, so guilds tended to do the event stealthily and late at night so that they could, you know, actually kill the fucker!
Here is a video of the event: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PTekWC0Ers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbh9euYil3k
Perhaps after reviewing the true power of the great green dragon you might…reconsider, his ranking. He can totally give Ony a run for her money, imo
Can’t wait to see your write up on Nefarian! One of my fav characters in the game!
Oh my God, I must *do* that. Somehow. I want to unleash a pissed off green dragon into the Moonglade… smug, hard-to-get-to druidic bastards
I imagine it’s probably an impossible chain to follow these days though – I need to try and convince some folks in the guild to come to BWL with me but I have no idea how to beg the favour.
I think the Shade of Eranikus has to keep his current rating and, should I actually suceed in encountering the real deal, I will rate him accordingly with an A+distinction
First time I saw Shade of Eranikus, me and another mage friend, both of us in our early fifties, were dragged through that place by a trio of sixties. Mostly I just followed along, soaking up XP and watching these poor trash mobs get blicked.
There was this one boss, I dunno who, where the boss is at the end of this chapel like room, and there’s trash along either side.
I got feared right down the center, aggroing nothing, until the fear ended… at which point the boss and all the trash in the room immediately aggrod on me, killing me instantly.
The group survived (barely), and remarked “that’s one way to start the boss fight”.
I felt like such a doofus, even though I had absolutely no control over it.
*This comment brought to you by TJ’s become a people who comment challenge.*
Errr, thank you Coment Challenge
Hehe – ST is definitely one of those problem instances.
I think the first time we did it, we were totally clueless and having battered our way through the Puzzles of Doom we just blundered in there to “take out the zomg!dragon” only to get completely mullered by every other wyrm-shaped dude in the place mobbing us en masse.
So at least it was joint doofery as opposed to being the one hapless guy…
One of my guildies came (metaphorically) running into guild chat the other day all freaked because someone had triggered the Emerald tyrant’s attack on Moonglade.
The tankadin-boyfriend and I dropped our questlines and rushed over, because that’s just not something you get to see these days.
Seriously, where did world bosses go? There is nothing more epic than seeing an anrgy bronze dragon chasing people across southern barrens… I still have no idea who that bronze dragon was, but I’d like to find him and shake his hand.
That sounds amazing … I wonder what 800 flaming hoops you have to jump through to trigger it….
Slightly less than 800 hoops, but they were all flaming. I did it on Calli a while back, it was part of the Ahn’qiraj opening event. Look up the quest chain on Wowhead one day, you’d be amazed at what was required. Actually, that’s three quest chains, I only did one of them, the easiest one, ending in the confrontation with Eranikus in Moonglade. One of the other chains involved clearing Blackwing Lair in 4 hours from the moment you attacked Vaelastrasz. Considering BWL was the pinnacle of raid content at the time, that was no mean feat. The Doctor Weevil part of the chain can still wipe you at level 80.
Alas, I’m doomed
waiting to see how we fight deathwing in Cataclysm.
Also, how did u not include Blackwing in this list =S phail!
Give me time
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