The little raid who couldn’t
That was us, yesterday, trying to do TotC-10 and then Ony. We were the late night showing of the Thursday night raiding double feature, so maybe we just all a bit tired but we were all over the place, tempers were a bit short and, yeah, everything was weirdly, unaccountably difficult. In the end it was so late, and we were so demoralised by our own incompetence, we called it. I’m convinced it must have been some kind of curse. We were dying where nobody has any right to die.
I haven’t caught an Ony deep breath … well … ever. Not ever. I have an achievement for it. I’m card carrying member of the “Can Avoid A Simple Deep Breath Attack” Club. I have a T-shirt. It says “I didn’t stand in Ony’s deep breath and all I got with was this lousy T-shirt.” I have a badge. It says: “I don’t stand in fire: ask me how.” Seriously. Ony’s deep breaths. They’re sorted. I’ve got them sorted. I’ve always had them sorted. So guess how many I stood in last night. Go on. Guess. Three. THREE!!! What’s with that?
Some of it was pure comedy though. My personal favourite happened at the beginning of phase 2, when the first wave of whelps came out to play. “I’m going to get raped by whelps!” sang out our Most Suicidal Mage (MSM), over Vent. I hesitate to use the word ‘squeal’ but y’know… I’m not hesitating that much. “They’re going for meeeeee. Here they come. I’m going to dieeeee…” And, of course, I believed him. So I went into full on Healer Saviour of the World mode … and … well … I can’t quite describe what happened in all its glory so I shall attempt to communicate it pictorially.
In the middle of Onyxia's lair...
However…while I was “saving the day” …
Not a million miles away from us...
So, my career as an artist, what do you think? Shouldn’t quit the dayjob, eh? Also I’m aware I got the ‘x’ and the ‘y’ the wrong way round in Onyxian Whelp but do you realise how long it took me to draw that bloody thing? I just didn’t have the heart to try again. Besides, I’m not sure I’d be able to get the facial expression that accurate a second time round.
It wasn’t all bad and fail though – it’s always fun, and failing like a big faily thing can be a valuable experience, too, right? It teaches you, if nothing else, not to get complacent about the content. Oh, and I got shiny loot. I have to say, the TotC drops have some worryingly dodgy names. I saw Pants of the Soothing Touch go by the other day. I’m sorry, whut? Pants of … the soothing touch? Pants, that touch you soothingly? That sounds more than a little distracting to me, especially in the middle of a fight. And last night I picked up some Boots of the Grieving Soul. Is that some kind of appalling pun? And, if so, you should be ashamed of yourself, Blizzard. Ashamed. Or are you just trying to tell me that I need to take my boots to a cobbler?
I don’t stand in fire: ask me how.
I want to make that badge now. Or t-shirts with same.
And I like your illustrations!
I don’t deserve the badge any more though
Or the T-shirt. Woe is me.
I dunno if Alive Mage will appreciate you calling his troll ears for belf ears.
He was remarkably forgiving, considering… I think I got his characters muddled up.
I must admit I love some of the loot names. Based on our performance last night, the best named item I possess is “Solace of the Defeated”. Although I do also have a pair of “Pants of the Soothing Touch”, best used for explaining away incidents like the one documented above. Even the most angry of raidleaders can’t argue with “my pants distracted me
(“.
Think the melee get it worse though, imagine having to wear a “collar of ceaseless torment” or a “carnivorous band”. With the latter, you would need to count your fingers every time you wake up.
As for the evil known as the Onyxian Whelpings… In my guild we have the suicidal mage type too only ours is a pink haired gnome. So he gets loaded with everything in preparation for the whelps, only this time, the AI has obviously learnt. As one giant swarm, they ignore Mr bouncing pink thing and come for … me. Naturally, everyone keeps healing the gnome, (shamefully myself included – obviously the fault of my pants) and I die in 3 seconds flat. Lying splatted on the floor all I could do was clutch my “ring of deplorable violence” and think of all the horrible things I could do and unpleasant places I could take my very own little Onyxian Whelping. In fact, I suspect my death probably looked very similar to your picture, only I have bigger ears.
Awesome artwork.
Solace of the Defeated is brilliant – although a bit, err, defeatist I must say. Also slightly outside the usual naming conventions, isn’t it? They’re usually called things like “Item of the Amazing Victor” and “Thingy of Moment of Triumph” not “Consolation Prize of the Rubbish.” I’m definitely going to pay more attention to the item names though – the collar of ceaseless torment doesn’t sound like it’s worth the stats to me
I can just imagine this poor DPS, staggering around, clawing at their neck, going “nooo, the torment, if only it would cease sometimes…”
The whelps are definitely made of malice – sometimes they just seem to soundly gangbang somebody to death for seemingly no rational reason. It doesn’t seem to matter how good the tank, or how careful the DPS, or how on the ball (and undistracted by their pants) the healers are … sometimes they’ll just go piranha. Although to be honest, I can see their points. I’d much chow down on anybody rather than a gnome…
Actually, that’s a good idea. I might take my 5th Anniversary whelp on a torture and revenge tour of Azeroth. See if I can drown him in the lava at top of Un’goro Crater…
“Solace of the Defeated”…..sounds like an item that deserves to go to a dps-type that enjoys standing in fire–or whelp orgies–and then wins the role. “I know that I contributed zero dps while I lay deceased and defeated, but I shall take said purple item (I’d look up what it is, but most wow-related sites are blocked from work, go figure) through the virtue of my overabundance of luck, and it shall be my solace.”
And nice artwork, BTW. Classic.
Actually it appears to be quite a nice healer trinket:
Equip: Increases spell power by 150.
Equip: Each time you cast a helpful spell, you gain 16 mana per 5 sec. for 10 sec. Stacks up to 8 times.
Solace me!
Possibly the best rendering of whelps ever seen! Made me giggle!
Thank you kindly. I felt I really broadened my horizons as a whelp artist =P
Made me jiggle!
I’m the ‘most suicidal DK’ – running 14k dps for a fight will do that. My guildies know to have a bubble ready after I spread my diseases and drop Death and Decay… it’s funny in pugs when I try to esplain: “please have a bubble ready for whelp phase. They will eat me.”
Actually in pugs these days, I just wait until someone else is getting nom-nommed, then start my dps. It isn’t as sexy, but I get to live.
*wants to see more hand drawn pictures in forthcoming blog posts* (aren’t you scared people will want to analyse your handwriting though?
)
I am sorry you wiped, but that really made me laugh
Really loved your rendition of the outfits.. you could do requests
The other mage may just have died because it/he/she didn’t have a robe of smiting.. not your fault 
That’s not my everyday handwriting, it’s my “illustrating silly pictures” handwriting. Contrary to popular belief, I can actually write joined up
I’m not sure I will be attempting to draw more in the future – I suspect the charm of my inability to actually do it wears off really fast
Also if you can’t laugh about your wipes, I guess the game would be pretty dull… although I think the RL was probably crying his eyes out in the corner after that one.
Last night made me cry myself to sleep
Epic pics, we need moar artwork! Kinda reminds me of the onyxia kill pic on the guild site
Oh we weren’t *that* bad were we? Well, I guess we were
Not quite as classy as the guild pic, I’m afraid. I didn’t dare approach trying to draw a feral druid.
I simply loved your drawings. Give us more, please!
I couldn’t help getting a bit wondering though… It says “no healer” all over the place, but what I REALLY miss in those pictures is the tank! Doesn’t anyone tank the whelps for you? Then I can understand it gets tough!
I’m not sure I dare inflict that much pain on you all a second time
And, yes, DDK lower down uncovered my dark secret – I have no idea how to draw plate armour, hence the lack of a tank rushing to the rescue! And, yes, of course we have a tank to grab the whelps but sometime the little buggers just seem to go into some kind of feeding frenzy on the squishiest person they can find.
Can’t. Breathe.
Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
Those pictures are the best! … Now, were does this Belf Mage get me a tier whatever mage robe of smiting? I’ll pass on the whelp-rape face, though… ^_^
Thank you kindly
And, yes, there should definitely be a Smiting Set… Tier 11, perhaps?!
@Tam & Astoreth:
You can by using the Achievements Generator
http://worldofwarcraft.mmocluster.com/achievements
Ooooh…useful! I could have fun with this!
Mage Tier Robes of Smiting – that’s a good one.
Our guild makes a big deal over the plate spellpower pants that drop in ToC (25 i think?) calling them Pants of Fail because the name is something like Legguards of Failing Light. What pally healer wants their source of power to fail? That’s a bad omen surely.
Hehehe, I have no idea what Blizzard was on when they come up with the item names in ToC … they’re all completely mad, and definitely not something you’d want to leave the house wearing…
You think Pants of the Soothing Touch is bad ey? My guildy couldn’t stop laughing at me when I very excitedly linked in guild chat that I had scored Pants of Unstable Discharge for my priest…. I don’t even want to know who or why Blizzard decided that was an appropriate name for a pair of pants!
Oh my God! Pants of Unstable Discharge?! That’s superlatively *awful*.
I’ll chime in the choir of “squiiiieeee i lubs dem pikture!”
Because, well, i lubs dem pikture!
And i would like to elaborate on Larisas comment with a taunt: It’s because he can’t draw furries/platemailed champions!
Go on Tam, prove me wrong.
Damn! You’ve uncovered my secret. It’s true, I have no idea how to draw bears or platemail.
I know I am a tiny minority here (and that’s despite being a dwarf, not because of it!) but…
My eyes, my beautiful eyes! Please don’t do drawings ever again!
*ducks and runs for cover*
Awww, you don’t think I have a certain profoundly inept charm?
Just inept, huh? That’s entirely fair. I can’t draw to save my life…
I laughed until I keeled over, then I explained it to my non-WoW-player friend and he laughed until he keeled over, too.
Absolutely glorious. Dont underestimate the fear of being all alone with no tank while evocating. Yes, evocation generates a considerate amount of aggro because it counts as a power gain. And it’s a pretty fast one, too. It’s a bit like healer aggro – IE, worse than just proximity aggro.
I don’t know what was wrong this thursday. I also NEVER EVER EVER eat Deep breaths but I was so off in my positioning that I had to Iceblock to not die a couple of times. And I also died to it a couple of times. Cause Iceblock was on cooldown. It was ridiculous, really.
Yays! I make people keel over. I wish I hadn’t got your characters muddled through. That would have involved smaller ears and bigger feet. Oh yeah, my artistry is so leet.
I think we were all of us off our game that night… semi-hilariously so. I’ve never healed so frantically in my life. The tanks seemed to be taking a phenomenal amount of damage (and I was on raid). And I wonder if there was something with the lag … I thought the deep breaths thing was just me spazzing out but if everyone was biting them as well.
Well, except for both being girls, I have no idea how you managed to mix them up. They are even pictured in my forum signature for Pete’s sake!
One is ugly, one is pretty. One has fiery red hair, one is blond as snow. One is clad in cloth and explodes a lot, one is a tin can that never dies.
=D
You have weird tastes. Vorla is way hotter than Auda.
Tam I love your posts in a platonic, across an ocean and through a computer screen kind of way.
In Burning Crusade we had four tanks. A feral druid, a warrior and two pallies. We would utilize one of said pallies to tank trash in Hyjal.
Trash in Hyjal went like this in BC “OMFG START HEALING SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM” on the tank before the mobs got there, all seven of us frantically praying that the pally didn’t get one-shot.
Then the warrior would do some sort of shout ‘AMG HEAL ME NAO!’ and the ENTIRE heal team would shift to the warrior.
The pally would plummet in heath.
Four healers would try to go back to healing the pally.
Dead Pally.
Dead Warrior.
Squealing for heals gets attention but it rarely helps!
Hehe, thank you kindly. I’m relieved that it’s a platonic, across-the-ocean kind of way, because if you ran off into a sordid love nest with my posts, my blog would be devoid of content
The weird thing about squealing for healz is how one instinctively responds to it… at least I do, even though it simultaneously annoys me (I mean, really, do you think it hasn’t occurred to me that I ought to be healing?). But the upshot is that it upsets my rhythm and I end up sending masses of healz where they might not be needed and totally ignoring where they are.
On the other hand, I totally understand why you’d squeal as the whelps descended. They’re scary. And they have hungry gleams in their eyes.
I’m going to have to confiscate your badge, I’m sorry but three times is unacceptable.
Hand it over.
*cries*
Noooo!
*clings to badge*
I won’t give it up!
P.S. The drawings are awesome, similar to what I was considering making (a wow comic blog).
You may of inspired me to finish what I started :]
Start a WoW comics blog! That would be brilliant, especially if you can, y’know, draw which sadly hinders me
[...] The Little Raid Who Couldn’t [...]
[...] an off-time or something but I have drunk deep of the well of hemo, and lo is the water bitter. Between the little raid who couldn’t, an attempt at the dedicated few yesterday and a fail ToC run last night, I’m staring to think [...]