It’s easy to get stuck in routines at endgame, I think, which makes me more inclined to play around with holiday achievements than I ever was while I was levelling. But there are still some things I don’t do. PVP is one of them. It’s just not me. I’m a complete wuss. I try to cultivate a healthy attitude to it when I’ve got myself inadvertently PVP flagged and someone has swooped out of nowhere and mullered me. I try to think to myself “well done, Sir, jolly well played” and all that. I try to tip my hat and move on. But, basically, I’m pissed off. I’m getting my main pissed off … and then I remember I am my main, and I don’t have a clue about PVP.
So when people were talking about the Pilgrim’s Peril achievement in guild, I was sceptical. It most assuredly wasn’t going to be my cup of tea. But everybody online at the time, bar one person, had done it and he wanted company, so I rather reluctantly agreed to join him for the trip. To be honest, I don’t think he knew what he was getting himself into. He started out with some ludicrous notion that I was going to be an equal participant in the whole endeavour:
Him: (optimistically) So, do you think the best way to get to Ironforge is Complicated Route A or Complicated Route B?
Me: I, uh, I don’t know.
Him: Oh, actually, you’re right, let’s try Complicated Route C.
Me: Where is Iron Forge?
Him: …
My Azerothian geography sucks about as badly as my Earthian geography but once we’d established that he was going to do all the work and I was going to be comic relief, things settled down nicely.
And here we are, embarking on our dangerous pilgrimage.
You do know the Alliance will still be able see you if you're in shadow form, right?
Darnassus was our first stop, which required a boat trip. And, of course, getting on the boat obliged us to massacre the local populace first. I felt pretty guilty about it, to be honest but it was also kind of hilarious as we forced our way onto the boat, slaughtered the crew and then stood around emoting our sheepish apologies to the assembled level 20-40 Alliance PCs. It felt rather like we’d boarded a public bus, thrown the conductor and the driver into the street, and then gone around very politely greeting and waving at the rest of the appalled passengers. We didn’t, however, get keel-hauled for our behaviour, and arrived safely – glaring aside – at whatever Alliance settlement contains the portal to Darnassus. We pegged it through said portal, were promptly jumped by about eight six million nelvish guards and slaughtered.
Perilous indeed.
So we rezzed at the spirit healer, deciding to wait out both our rez sickness and our PVP flags and then try to sidle our way to the table sneakily. It was, indeed, a most cunning plan! About 1 minute to the PVP flag wearing off, a level 12 nelf hunter came and stood in front of us for a while, obviously weighing up his chances. Clearly something had gone wrong with his calculations because the little punk then pulled out his bow and shot my companion.
For like 1 damage.
So we were obliged to kill him just … because really.
Hanging around at the spirit healer obviously wasn’t working for us so we decided that discretion was the better part of valour and we would just hide from any more passing level 12s. We mounted up, charged into the woods and eventually found … well … yes … here we are:
They'll never find us here!
That’s right, our noble heroes are hiding in a pond. For level 12 nelves. The nadir of the whole business came when I wasn’t paying sufficient attention to what was going on and I accidentally let Tam drown.
“Ooops” doesn’t even begin to over it.
But eventually both the rez sickness and the PVP flags wore off, and we were ready to dry ourselves off and try again. For glory! On the way back into Darnassus, we encountered another low level nelf, a girl this time, who took something of a shine to my companion. Tam she just ignored. Humph. An orgy of dancing, hugging, kiss blowing and what have you followed while Tam gooseberried awkwardly in the background and cleared his throat pointedly every now and again.
Eventually Romeo and his linguistically impaired Juliet parted company and we rode on towards Darnassus. My companion made it into a chair but I was not so fortunate. I was set upon by guards, and then a bunch of players, and brutalised within steps of the table. But it didn’t matter because I had ANOTHER cunning plan. I rezzed behind a handy, nearby pillar and had dashed into a chair before anybody could stop me. Yay! Then we leapt aboard our respective mounts again, tore like the wind through the streets of Darnassus and back into the Pink Sparkly Portal to Freedom.
We had done it! And it had only taken an hour, and about 100 gold in repair bills. Totally worth it.
As we were waiting to slaughter the next boat home, Juliet reappeared and joyously embraced my companion. It would have been a touching reunion, had not Romeo, in his excitement, lost control of his wolf, with tragic consquences. And that was that. What a beautiful story. Their love was so pure, transcending as it did the vagaries of lore and language although, not, sadly, a level 80 hunter pet.
Never was there are a story of more woe
Than that of Juliet and her belf hunter who one-shot her with his wolf.
(Hmmm, think I lost the scansion there…)
For the record, we did get the other tables, and finally, the achievement. Yes. Even me. Who couldn’t win a PVP fight against a paper bag. And it was a stupid amount of fun. And I didn’t even mind all the time I spent face down on the floor with Allies jumping up and down on my corpse. I guess having signed up for it makes all the difference.
And now I know where Iron Forge is!
I don’t really have anything relevant to say about this post, I just wanted to leave a comment to let you know I’m really enjoying your blog. I stumbled upon it a few days ago, and I really like it. You’ve got a sharp wit, and a good writing style. Also your posts are really funny which is always good.
Anyway…keep up the good work!
Thank you for the kind words about the blog – I’m delighted to entertain
And thank you for the link to your own, which I’m enjoying very much.
Epic post, bro.
*salutes*
My thanks
I wouldn’t put much in the intelligence department of the average Night Elf Hunter. Or I’m being mean because a lot of people new to the game choose exactly that one class/race combo.
Another visit could be a Bear, I mean, For The Horde run. Zerg everything in your way to the leaders.
In a related note, the Horse version is easier than the Alliance one because noone of the Alliance leaders is as cool as Thrall. Or Sylvanas.
Actually I’d be quite pro killing Varian Wrynn… no qualms at all actually, but I have no idea how people can bring themselves to murder poor old Cairne Bloodhoof with his enormous log…
LOL, I just noticed that I wrote Horse. For the Horse, no, FOR PONY!!
I have to admit I did look at that funny for a second or two, wondering what on earth For the Horse was, and how you got *that* achievement … and then I worked it out
Alright.
As your local Dwarf resident I feel like I should say something here. Its Ironforge, not Iron forge.
Sorry.
Anyway i expect your next post to be about strats for WSG (you fight away from the flag).
Looking forward to it!
I have dorf fail!
Sorry, Ironforge. I didn’t mean to spit up on your noble capital with my poor spelling and ignorance
I know you did it on purpose!
(also props for getting ratshag commenting on it! that is one of the old school bloggers)
Drowning in a pond in Teldrassil is classy! My own version of Pilgrim’s Peril was very quiet this year, I didn’t even get attacked by anyone. Also, slaughtering boat crews is completely unnecessary, they may appear hostile but they don’t attack travellers of either faction.
I think there are probably other, even classy ponds I could have drowned in, if I’d really put the committment into it…
We worked out we didn’t have to kill the entire workforce only on the way back… so I feel quite guilty for all those poor nelvish sailors, slaughtered on the line of duty
We only met resistance once on our run (an 80 orc warrior, 80 belf hunter, 80 belf dk, and me), and it was in Darnassus… where we totally didn’t expect it. Funniest part was, when the single Dranaei frost mage was down, only myself and the warrior were standing. We have the killer instinct, the lack of self preservation, the… well, he has the gear.
There’s something about this that reminds me of a PvP post I should make on my blog after the whole blue gem thing I’m still too pissy about to write…
Oh you really went for strength in numbers didn’t you? I feel relatively hardcore, going in there with only Cron to watch my back. I’m really starting to enjoy the PVP-ish holiday quests. I think it’s become the unpredictability of other players makes them infinitely various.
I loved the post.. was killing myself laughing
Poor poor Juliet
Where is the Tam hand drawing of the big bad wolf getting fed on Juliet tho? Hmm almost takes me back to Kara..
I have to say that the Alliance version was so much easier – I only got pvp flagged twice and didn’t have to kill any guards.. and not only did noone try to kill me, but a nice cow waved, and a lovely orc rogue (how rare are they) even came running back towards me when he realised I was trying to turkify him.
Thank you kindly – and, indeed, poor Juliet. But she does clearly have terrible in hunters
Hah, you really did have it easy didn’t you? To be honest, I think we probably alienated people by our accidental but nevertheless necessary wholesale annihilation of, well, sailors, guards, vendors etc…
Congrats!
I may have jumped on my horde alt and figured out where the Elders/tables/whatever I was supposed to be going for are before I attempted it on my Alliance main. But I still can’t navigate Undercity. Hopefully they’ll get a new city planning committee before Cataclysm, since obviously having the abominations do it was a bit of a cock-up.
Hysterical entry, and yeah, Darn is a bit evil for Horde. I can’t think of any Horde city I’ve had as much trouble getting into. Obviously Blizz either likes Alliance best, or alternately, thinks Alliance needs easy mode.
Thank you
The Undercity is insane – I know plenty of hordies who have to hearthstone their way out of there. I, err, might have been one of them until fairly recently when I finally figured it out 
And Blizzard blatantly like the Alliance best
Just look at the Durotar starting area – designed entirely by sadists to punish level 1 orcs.
Really? Durotar, I mean. What don’t you like?
And I’ve really been enjoying the blog. Hemo, I haz it.
I think it’s because everything is quite hard to find, and spread out out – going into caves is scary when you’re level 2. Especially compared at how slick and together the human starting is, or how imaginative the Belf one. And thank you for the kind words
So I left Ogrimmar and Thunder Bluff for last on this one. A guildie (a rogue, oh, how I should have known) is urging me to TB because he’s sitting munching on turkey, with no one even glancing in his direction. I decide to go the non-PvP route (i.e. the coward route) and run to Ogrimmar first where I will not have to flag *joy*
I finish up there and my guildie is till sitting in TB having moved on to the stuffing. I start making my over. I’m a little nervous — I’ll have to flag — now if I can just get a seat before someone kills me I’ll be happy. So I sneak around to the back *ah-hah!* of TB, run straight for a table, and lo and behold –
ACHIEVEMENT
HUNTER’S MARK
DEAD
/WIN
My guildie is now on the cranberry sauce and laughing at me all the way.
Ahahaha, excellent story. I’m definitely a newly converted fan of PVP achievements. Although our stealthy friends have it easy.
Great story, as usual!
I had my own taste of adventure (and I even had a plan!!!) doing the Pilgrim’s Peril. (and yes, I blogged it)
Grats on the achie!
(and I hope you got the pet? – if so, take him out near a camp fire. HILARIOUS results. If you aren’t a PETA member)
Thank you – and, yes, I remember your cunning plan to sneak into the Horde capital disguised as a TEDDIE! Awesome
I am a fiend for holiday events. It’s always nice to have a chance of pace, esp with the 80 characters. Great post!
Thank you – I think I’m starting to feel the same way. Enlivens up the daily grind at any rate.
Tam, I’ve been reading your blog since the very beginning. Nearly every post makes me smile. Rarely do WoW blogs make me laugh as much as this post did! Poor Juliet indeed
I have to say, being a stealthy feral druid really makes these “go into the enemy capital and do stuff” very easy indeed. Except when I thought the portal would take me out of stealth so I clicked the button as soon as I appeared in Darnassus. Of course, it didn’t take me out of stealth, but me pressing the button did, so I died really rather quickly that time. Oh well.
Awww, thank you kindly, I’m delighted to amuse, and I remember your comments from back when I was still writing on inmysissyrobe
And, yes, stealth must make doing PVP quests a breeze. To be honest, I’m finding them increasingly interesting, I think precisely because I’m not exactly optimised for PVP warfare … and the great thing about interacting with other players is the element of unpredicability. Alas poor Juliet!
You think not knowing where Ironforge is is bad? Try rolling a DK as your first Horde toon….and trying to find your way out of Undercity. I seriously had to ask somebody how the [heck] to get out of that maze.
Level 60 DK lost in Undercity. What a n00b. =^/
Heheh, not at all – one of my guildies confessed the other night that he still has to hearthstone out of there
“Iron Forge”
You’re cute. LOL
“Than that of Juliet and her belf hunter who one-shot her with his wolf.”
Seriously who falls in love at first sight with a hunter?! I don’t believe it. She had another agenda for sure.
BTW is nobody else (well fellow un-Americans) disturbed that this holiday seems to be all about overeating? I mean *5* helpings to get a food buff? Isn’t that a big excessive?
Iron Forge … Ironforge … whatever
And, you’re so right, Juliet must have had another agenda. Clearly she was going crazy over Cron because she was trying to make me jealous, because who’d want some hunter with a wolf when there’s a holy priest in a sissy robe standing right there, right?!
There’s definitely something a bit weird about the bullemia holiday… on the other hand, it’s done wonders for Tam’s cooking, if not his self-esteem, so I’m not complaining
Since you are the well-read sort, I must suggest that you take your poetry modification even further, and apply a bit of jaded Catullus to this situation. I mean, that really does sound a bit like an “Odi et Amo” scenario to me! Ah, Lesbia, the unfortunate Nelf Huntress.
Heheh, I can’t remember what her pet was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a sparrow…
Yeah, definitely not one of the “more annoying” PVP holiday achievements, but how exactly does a Horde player get from SW to IF without taking the tram? Seems like a royal pain. Well, I suppose it can’t be much worse than walking from UC to SM, which is what my priest did after forgetting I have a flight point up in the Ghostlands that cuts the trip in half. Oh well.
Having a Horde toon has definitely helped my PVP on my Alliance toon, as I know way more about the Horde starting zones and cities now. One might say I’m drawn to the Horde….oh noes!
I have no idea how we got from IF to SW … I followed Cron, occasionally falling off cliffs and careening into guards (he really did get a bad deal when I agreed to come with him). I seem to recall it was a longish walk though.
I should probably pay more attention to my Alliance alts so I’d be better at these infiltration quests but I love the Horde too much.
Do I hear the beginnings of conversion from you?
I really enjoyed this article. Cheers!
On Alliance side, Undercity was the one to worry about. I had several guildmates warn me ahead of time to keep my eyes open.
About 5s after I flagged outside UC I got death-gripped. As a moonkin who does BGs with some frequency, I’ve learned to loath that graphic. DKs aren’t much fun for feathers, especially when they get the drop on you. But I was ready, blew every trinket and CD, and managed to drop him. I went through a series of victory flexes and dances. I’m sure now that the DK was laughing the whole time, b/c I turned back to UC just in time to see 3 more DKs, armies popped, bearing down.
Crap.
Thank you – glad to have entertained
Hehe, the UC is bad enough if you’re Horde, I hate to imagine what it’s like sneaking in there PVP-flagged. On the other hand, I suppose you’re relatively safe from other players, since most of them will be lost inside and being squashed by the horrible elevators
Also I loathe being Deathgripped, too! It just makes you feel so helpless. Even when I’m not PVP-flagged (which, to be fair, is most of the time) and I’m fighting the Herald in OK and noe of the party DK deathgrips me during the madness phase … garrgh! It makes me crazy!
Ah, I had fun with this one too. Pallies have it relatively easy. I went up the elevator at Thunder Bluff before I figured out where the tables were. No one noticed. When I came down, I bubbled, then got into the chair and back out before bubble wore off, by which time I had been noticed, so I bolted like a frightened cat. Ardent Defender went off and gave me some extra time. By the time I was killed, I was far enough away that everyone got bored waiting for me to rez. Possibly they realized that even if they stuck around, I was waiting for bubble to be off CD so I could bubblehearth. Yes, I ran away. I’m no good at PvP so I find running away to be the best strategy. Sorry excuse for a paladin, I know, running from nothing more than a couple of cows.
I assumed I would need a similar strategy for UC and that I would probably get killed. I don’t think bubble would last from the point you get flagged until I could get to a table, and certainly not there and back out. But it turns out that if you go at 3 am server time, almost nobody is there. The few people who were there weren’t paying attention. I could have danced naked on the tables.
Nobody noticed me at Silvermoon either, but I don’t think that had anything to do with the time of day. Is there ever anyone in Silvermoon?
Oh, and I agree about UC. I rolled a Forsaken rogue. He’s 14. I am starting to get the hang of UC but I still get lost pretty often. I’ve set his hearth in UC, but he doesn’t need to leave much because he’s been demoted to bank alt for now. He sure was popular during the holiday, though.