So here’s what happened:
1. I drew last week’s tardraid to a premature end because somebody decided the best way to interact with it would be to patronise it.
2. Another Ulduar raid was scheduled over tardraid; regardless of the innocence of your motivations in doing so, the fact remains that having, in practice, a Leetraid and a Tardraid is extremely problematic. From the stated intention to keep extending the lock-out, I presumed the new raid was going to be a regular thing.
3. Various “tardraid is exclusive and cliquey” complaints filtered down to me
4. I raised the issues regarding the problems inherent in having dichotomised raids
5. I was told my attitude was the problem here
6. I tried to explain that spotting things that were by their nature (hello, opposed raids) divisive was not divisive in and of itself.
7. I heard nothing further.
8. I therefore expected little sympathy for more complaining about the two raids and gave up.
9. I thought about writing something on the forums – but decided not to make a fuss.
10. I went away and ranted.
11. I ranted again.
12. My rantings were discovered and construed as a personal attack.
13. RO was thus outed on the guild forums.
This caused, as you may suspect, a whole bucketful of drama, some very very angry posts and a crisis for me – I know it probably sounds like the worst thing in the world to want to keep a blog behind your guild’s back but, even though it’s public territory, it’s personal space. Obviously, having published on the internet, I neither want nor expect any particular rights attached to Righteous Orbs but, to me, there’s a profound difference in it being read because you’re the sort of person who reads stuff about WoW and it being read because … I don’t know … because although you couldn’t care less about actually talking to me, you’d actually bother to read something I wrote. I keep a blog to talk to, and form relationships with, people I don’t know. It’s fine as adjunct to an in-game relationship (I knew several guildies as bloggers before I knew them as friends) but not as a short-cut to my brain when my brain is RIGHT THERE AND AVAILABLE for interaction.
Anyway, so this was intolerable in itself but it also made me realise something that I have been trying not to realise for a long time. I am too attached to keeping a WoW blog – it is this that maintains my interest in the game when things are quiet or the grind seems meaningless. And by keeping a blog, I don’t mean just the act of splurging forth my own thoughts, but reading other people’s, leaving and replying to comments: the whole deal. It is, in essence, half my game. And the other half is, of course, the people I play it with. But the two are simply incompatible.
It is horrendously unfair – as I have always known and yet continued doing anyway – to write about the happenings in your guild on your blog … but I haven’t been able to stop. Being in a guild is intense, there is no respite, there is no refuge, I needed the space to think things through, put things in perspective and let off steam. And really if it ever comes to the point that it is a GENUINELY a difficult choice for you between your guild (with real people in it!) and your WoW blog … then you have no right being in that guild, or with those people.
I’m sure it wasn’t quite a “guild or blog” ultimatum, but, I think, in having both, I probably do this all over again. Maybe I’d have been better, I don’t know, but I don’t quite have that much faith in myself. I’ve got myself trapped in this Claudius-like moral quandary. One of my favourite speeches in the whole of Shakespeare is the one where Claudius finally admits his guilt – I saw the David Tennant Hamlet not so long ago and, although I was pretty so-so on Tennant, I was absolutely mesmerised by Patrick Stewart, who was the most convincing and sympathetic Claudius I think I have ever seen. Well, sympathetic even though you know better. And also Hamlet is this tedious, emo adolescent whereas Claudius is a complicated grown up with grown up problems, like the fact he murdered his brother, boned his wife and stole his throne. Ahem. I also kind of respect a man who is bad enough to do those things but not quite bad enough to be a hypocrite about it either – he’s sorry and yet not sorry at all. And the thing is, although I’m sorry I upset someone, and I should have made my posts less personally attacky, and I knowledge it was basically a shitty thing to do, I still stand by some of the wider points I mused on… and I think they were worth the musing. In short: I’m sorry I had to murder your father to do it, but I’m still quite into fucking your mother. Which, I think, makes me a a complete cock.
Thinking back on it, and moving away from the Crisis Point itself, I also think part of the problem was that I over-invested. I’ve been wondering, for a long time, what is it to be a good guildie (I was even planning to write a post about it). I mean, obviously there are practical things like not keeping people outside ICC while you piss about in Dalaran but in terms of the way you engage with your guild. I mean a guild is an abstract: it’s this amorphous, ever-changing thing, a community comprised of whoever happens to be on-line at the time. Previous to Absolution, I always just let it roll over me like the tide. But this time I thought – erroneously as it happens – if you do care about this unknowable abstract to which you belong, then it behoves you to help create the community whenever circumstances makes you a part of it. That’s why the Felching incident had such a profound affect on me – and why I keep banging on about it like it was the Annunciation.
I mean, if four people being idiots could completely transform guild chat, and the guild, around them, then the power of an individual to shape the community was likewise immeasurable. And that was the point when I stopped shutting up and putting up. The guild was mine as much as it was anybody else’s: and I thought perhaps it was all those mines that added up to an ours. So needless to say, fired up with idealism, I rapidly degenerated into the constantly complaining, constantly objecting one, whining about unfair loot systems, guild behaviour in partially pugged raids, sexism, the imbalances in our 2 x 10 man raids, people being wangs on guild chat, the constant sneering from certain quarters at less skilled players etc. etc. etc. In short I became the guildie basically against people having fun.
I got tired.
Annnnnyway: the long and the short of it is this. I came to the inescapable conclusion that it was time to divorce my blogging-identity from my in-game-identity – and that I should have done this a long time ago. I suppose I should have foreseen these very obvious problems before they exploded in my face but I’m a priest not an oracle. So I apologised for having upset people, wished everyone all the best, g-quit, server-transferred, name-changed and race-changed. Tamarind is no more. Only the sissy robe remains. It wasn’t an easy decision but I’m convinced it was the right one. And let’s face it, I wasn’t sure how fixable the situation was anyway – there would still be the problem of tardraid’s apparent exclusivity, and my own problematic attitudes. Perhaps I was divisive, I don’t know. And, of course, the blog itself. But the hardest thing was leaving a bunch of people I cared about behind.
So now, it seems, I am safely an anonymous blogger – but you can still call me Tam.
I genuinely don’t know what lies ahead of The Artist Formerly as Tamarind. It’s possible my race is run, since I’m not sure I have the energy to start again … again. But I’ll give it my best shot.
Also it was strange to knowingly deconstruct something into which you poured so much time and effort. But, actually, what was it really? A collection of pixels, which will function just as effectively as any other set of pixels. What a piece of work was Tam… (since the theme of this post was Hamlet, and a g-quit).
But at least this way the blog will have no actual impact on the game, and on others, which is the most important thing. I think everybody – myself included – is basically okay.
awww
kinda sad to hear that Tam doesn't exist as Tam anymore 
but… maybe it's for the better 
On the topic of being unable to escape from the guild atmosphere, well I normally go to my alts in other guilds
Different guilds have different cultures so, it's kinda like a reprieve for me 
And if you do swap to a female BE and server change to caelestraz… well you could always try hitting up Sisters of the Dawn
All Female BE guild XD
I was sad to "lose" Tam … but I think it's got to the point that I can re-construct him into something like himself but without the baggage. Improved Tam, in fact.
I've never really bothered guilding my alts – well, I only have 1 80 so that's probably partially it. But actually having to deal with one guild always felt like more than enough to handle
And all female belf guild … god, that sounds like my idea of hell actually. Imagine them all laughing in unison. GARGGH!
On a lighter note, I bet you're an orange-headed troll now. =) But likely not named Kumquat!
Kumquat is the ONLY orange-haired troll.
Yes, I know there are probably others in the game somewhere but they are but pale shadows of Kum.
Hey Tam,
I certainly understand your predicament. I have never made a secret of the fact that I blog, who I am, and who is my guild. Sometimes I wish that more of my guildies read my blog because they might ahem, learn something.
. The rest of the time screw em, I'd probably say it to their faces anyway.
I must say reading your post left me with questions that need answering. Well, they don't, it's your right to not answer them
Firstly, why, after such a series of problems, didn't you come across to the right side of the world and faction change too 
Secondly, Its a pity that Cataclysm isn't already here, because the idea of a big, manly, fearsome moo-cow … in a sissy robe would be so funny as to be unforgettable … um, unforgettabul 
My recent post Libram choice
I can't wait for Cataclysm – cowpriest! That would be just brilliant. Back when I first rolled my druid it was still moderately sensible to wear cloth caster gear for resto-booming so I think my taste for frocks began there…
Also I'm ignoring the fact you said "unforgettabul" just there – otherwise I'd have to kill you
I think you're probably in the healthy position re blog and guild. I aspire to be there
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
*heavy breathing behind visor*
Thank you – it's certainly a more complicated issue than I ever gave it credit for being. I hope I've managed to navigate the minefield…
Also although I think I took my ranting too far, a forum in which you vent all the shit that doesn't actually need to be dumped in the game itself is extremely valuable.
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Welcome to the dark side, muahahah!
Anyway, anonymous blogging can be annoying in that you can’t just post whatever screenshot you want as you have to go through everything and censor yet still leave out something. However, I find that I can’t not rant and I need to be able to rant without worrying if someone I know in game will read this and think badly of me instead of approaching me about it.
So good luck with your new anonymity
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself.
Good luck fella.
My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself.
Good luck fella.
My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement.
Also I don't think "not being horrible about people I care about" counts as all that much as a compromise
I think you're right, though, I need to find that balance between my blogging style and being able to be part of a functional community in the game.
Well here's hoping, eh?
I don't think I'm never not going to be a ranty bastard – but maybe I can be a little bit more careful.
I hate to tell you but you're not anonymous… with the Armoury RSS feed people can search for Gear you had and a set of achievements you had and find you.
Theres even websites made specifically for this. People track ninja's who namechange/realm transfer like this.
Theres complaints on the Official EU WoW forums regarding the RSS feed not having an opt-out option but to be honest this can be done with the mere inclusion of Armoury, even without the RSS feed due to achievements.
No 2 people will have exactly the same achievements on exactly the same time/day and therefore it makes each individual unique, and once you're known, permanently trackable.
Heh, heavens if somebody is that interested in tracking me down they damn well deserve to find me
*hugs* I think it should be perfectly possibly to have a guild-read blog and a ranting-space – it just requires a bit of finessing, at which I singularly FAILED hard. Or perhaps if I'd worked harder at creating more actual in-guild dialogues than merely seeking outlet… ah well.
*hugs* I think it should be perfectly possibly to have a guild-read blog and a ranting-space – it just requires a bit of finessing, at which I singularly FAILED hard. Or perhaps if I'd worked harder at creating more actual in-guild dialogues than merely seeking outlet… ah well.
What a silly decision.
Except the race change, since you admitted you didn't like being a Blood Elf anyway.
You ran away as if guild drama was a really "srs business" and you'd be shot IRL if you didn't go into hiding.
Just to say, I've been through many guild dramas, including a guild with people only from my country, some IRL friends or family, where first I became the GF of the guildmaster, then he dropped me for a new girl in the guild, sister of one of the guildies, which of course was painful to me especially I still tried to raid in the guild, when suddenly the GM and his new GF were ganging up on me and blaming for everything.
I survived, I am no longer in that guild, have now new and nice one, but I never changed server, faction or race of the original character. And I learned an important lesson, WoW is WoW and IRL is IRL they should always be kept separate from each other.
Especially what I've heard about your old server was in comparison to others, it was well populated and rather mature, so you would surely find another place to go if you didn't undertake such drastic moves.
Wait, Mariah, you ran away from your guild, so Tam shouldn't do the same?
Oh, I understand you're saying that IRL and Wow mixing is what caused your problem.
However, I think you may miss the fact that in WOW AND in real life, we have many choices to make, and leaving a bad situation and starting over is one of them.
Mistakes were clearly made. Leaving the guild? Well, your opinion is that it was a mistake, and it may have been, but I don't think so. The mistakes (and learning) were from the actions on both sides that lead to the drama.
Here's to new beginnings (yours and his…. and even mine)!
My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
I know my intentions, he has his perceptions, and nary the twain shall meet.
Nearly eight years ago (egads! cannot believe it's been that long) I quit an online community under nearly identical circumstances. That is to say, projects I had worked on and criticisms about certain aspects of the community were not seen in the constructive manner they were intended but entirely as personal attacks and actions meant to undermine authority and destroy the community. The frustration of failing to reconcile intention and perception got the better of me and one understandably-ranty-yet-unfortunately-public blog post touched off another fallout that ultimately resulted in my leaving. It was all much messier and uglier than I would have liked but despite what happened, I remain convinced that wanting to improve upon your community is worth the risk of failing. And if I happen upon a similar situation in the future I'll damn well try again and if I fail, at the very least I hope to fail in not quite as magnificent a manner as before.
So I definitely know where you're coming from. All the teeth gnashing over the push and pull of the arguments and whether or not it does more harm or good. "How much is enough?" For myself, I came to the conclusion that the pixels, the point system, the dangling bits of cheese that fuel the rat race: it's irrelevant. In WoW, as fond of and attached to these pixel-sand mandalas as I am (reading Pike's post about the last moments with her characters before her account expired really tugged at the heartstrings), what's REALLY important is the people and what happens between people. (this, from someone who most days is perfectly content to read and/or navel-gaze with no one else for company)
"But the hardest thing was leaving a bunch of people I cared about behind."
Besides, those relationships don't *have* to end simply because you left your guild. Of course they may not be nearly as convenient to maintain, but circumstances alone don't have to be the deciding factor. And as others have pointed out (just as the whole "whoops" business is testament as well), blogging hardly exists in a void. A blog isn't *just* a blog: there's also the conversations that builds up around a blog and between blogs. It's a community as well.
Proof positive you're not in need of Human Relationships 101.
Anyhoo, I've prattled on enough. Best of luck in your new adventures!
P.S. /jealous @ getting to see the Tennant/Stewart Hamlet production. We statesiders have to wait until the end of April to catch it on PBS. >.<
and to think, i almost attempted to join said guild in a stalkerish way, in order to get constant giggle kicks from urs truely. In hindsight that would have been bad and somewhat scarey. I'm glad you moved :p
Now i'll free my time to just read the blog instead :p
Mwhahahahaha….
My recent post If you register your site for free at
Good luck to you Tam, and please keep on blogging!
I have organized social (non-progression) raids in MMOs for over ten years and it is my experience as soon as it is clear they are fun and somewhat successful, someone who is more intent on progression will try to take it over or schedule an event overlapping it. It only takes one "important" member with the attitude socials should nowhere close to the success of the progression raid for it to happen.
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
I did run away – maybe foolishly, maybe not, maybe for the best, I guess time will time. I love your ruthless liberalism
You could maybe focus your blog more on your philosophies of how to behave in WoW (and in life) and then you'd get a bunch of imitators who would take it to extremes, and then you'd move increasingly away from the tenets of your original … oh wait, better not do that 
That sounds awful! I mean I have a hunter who is a low level cow.
Not a hunter who hunts baby cows! Wah!
You did write about it – and, as ever, I thought "gosh, how insightful, I'm glad I don't have to weigh up these complex diplomatic [BOOM]". Whoops.
And, yes, I can see a blog could be a good way to – diplomatically and carefully – raise some issues – as you do in Too Many Cooks. I noticed you were very careful to centre it all on yourself – which, I suspect, is much easier than saying to people "can you shut up a minute and let the RL L the damn R."
I don't quite have it in me, I think, to go Ally….
And it's nice to have a 0/0 friends / ignore list. Previously my ignore list was longer than my friends list… eeek!
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
Could be the thumb gets broken anyway, depending on the guild…
I agree, though, and that's what I had writtend in one of my first responses to "Tardraidgate": you can blog what you want as long as the guild already knows how you feel. Your solution of protecting their identities is a good one, given your proclivity to occasionaly emote on your blog, so all is well… I think. My recent post Valithria: a DPS DK Perspective
I've been aware of the awesome that is this blog for all of 2 weeks and I *still* felt my heart plummet to my toes as I, like so many other people who have commented, initially thought you were closing up the blog shop. I am glad to see that is not the case but, oh so sorry for you that things ended up the way they did.
I hope you find a great new guild community wherever it is you've ended up!
My recent post Tier 10 goodness and giddiness
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
Tam, all the best for you. I rather selfishly also hoped that you wouldn't compromise your style and blog just cause I enjoy reading your writings. I hope you find a balance, because part of what I enjoy about your ruminations surrounds blogging about being in community with people in all the different ways that presents itself. Good luck fella. My recent post Leveling a tanking warrior
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